I was always a seeker. I have always had this pull to discover new horizons, realms, realities, planes of existence, all those things. I have channeled that pull into many things, especially into traveling. I am a nomad and in some ways will always remain one. My soul has travelled through many galaxies and universes and now I get to explore this beautiful planet. I love Earth and all her unique expressions, but also the journey we get to live out throughout our lifetimes.
In my last blog I shared that I left to Argentina at 16. I didn’t feel that I belonged in Finland so I couldn’t wait to leave. From that age on I was roaming the planet from one continent to next. I have lived in many different countries. I have started my life over in a new place more times than I can count. It feels like I have lived so many lifetimes within only 34 years. I have collapsed timelines in high-speed, because my soul always knew there was something MORE available for me. I ran through soul contracts and experiences, just knowing that ”this was not it”.
I was seeking for something. Ultimately for home and belonging, because I had never experienced those in a way my soul knew I was meant to. What a journey it was to understand that home and belonging can never be found in the outside world just like that. They need to be found within, first and foremost. You can imagine the harsh lessons the Universe threw at me, although in doing so it always wanted to guide me to the only true Home there ever was; my own heart. Even when I understood it conceptually, it took a long time to embody it within. I find that we humans like to do anything else rather than find deep love and wholeness within our own selves. We seek for a resolution outside of us, when it can only ever be found within. I wish we all knew that, but usually we tend to refuse it for as long as we can.
I met many interesting people, lived in many beautiful cities, and had a myriad of amazing experiences, but none of those could ever give me what I was looking for. I was looking for something deeper and truer but I was not even able to put it in words for the longest of time. How could I have known what I was looking for when that ”something” doesn’t really exist in our current world? The current matrix we live in is void of depth, authenticity, and unconditional love. We are programmed to focus on the outside, on external objects and dense experiences. As a society we are obsessed with the outer, like hungry ghosts desperately craving and grasping for something we can never find in the places we are looking in. Everyone is seeking for something, because we are all chasing that whatever thing we believe will make us whole and complete. We think we know what we want, but actually we barely know at all. There is just this sense that something is missing, but if we keep enough busy, we don’t even notice that.
I think it is an incredible blessing when we have nothing left in our lives but to turn within. When we have explored and tried it all and nothing worked out. Nothing brought in the results we were hoping for. That is when a different journey is starting. A true one, a real one. A journey that will bring deep joy, peace, and fulfillment to our hearts; all those things we always wanted, but looked in the wrong places for.
We don’t need to know how it is all going to pan out, because I for sure didn’t know. We are all guided. No matter how many times we fall and how many detours we need to take. There is something greater nudging us forward when we feel lost or are walking into the wrong direction altogether. When it doesn’t make sense, there is a bigger picture that does make sense. There is a soul tapped into infinite intelligence, that designed its own journey of self-discovery, absolutely perfect in its seeming imperfection. There is some unexplainable higher force that is witnessing this journey of utter madness, so that in the end we can all find our way back home and have a good laugh at everything we went through.
Through all the twists and turns, I was always coming closer to my own soul. I have been so guided, even if my path has been extremely non-linear. It hasn’t made any sense to anyone around me, and I’ve never known what’s coming next. I have made one choice after another, without a clear long-term plan, other than needing to live a life that feels true, and having some beautiful visions of my future. When nothing has made sense, those visions have.
You cannot have a plan for a journey like this! Because it is so beyond what our minds and egos could ever grasp. You just need to trust and take a step after step, knowing that you are a soul and that your soul is leading you somewhere where you belong. Mine has, and while the journey still continues, I know this is true for everyone else too.
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