Awakening

I have had very many awakenings in my life. In this blog I am gonna share about the first time I was really blasted open to my soul blueprint and soul’s truth.

In 2016 I felt called to go to South America once again, and this time for healing. I went to the jungle and had a two week long ayahuasca + bobinsana dieta with shipibo shamans. I had already been on my journey of awakening for several years, and as I shared in the previous posts, was now experiencing a health crisis, burnout, and a dark night of the soul. I was pretty lost in a sense that I really didn’t know what my next steps were meant to be and how to get where I was meant to be going. It was a confusing time because I really hadn’t expected the Universe to pull the rug from under my feet the way it had.

At that point I had already known for over 10 years that one day I was meant to sit with plant medicine in the jungle. I had been travelling around South America several times, but the medicine had never come to me and I didn’t seek for it either. I was not ready, time was not ready. The medicine lets you know when it is time and then it appears in front of you effortlessly. That is exactly what happened. I was guided to a very sweet Peruvian family of shamans.

I travelled to the healing center they had just opened in Peru. There were barely any other guests, which was great and divinely orchestrated. I felt taken care of. This old lady came every evening to my little hut to sing some protection songs and spat in the corner of the hut to drive out some demons or bad energy.

The ceremonies were crazy. It was nothing like I expected and a whole new world was opened in front of me; the realm of energies. I don’t have normal experiences when I take psychedelics. Usually people tend to go to some personal trauma or get visions or guidance for the future, but I never do. I go to the deepest and darkest of collective energies. Fear, separation, apocalypse, death, disease. And then I have some faint visions of what you could call Heaven on Earth, just to balance out the terror, but often not even that.

Luckily, I am not that easily shocked or swayed. My soul is old and has seen it all. Something within me goes, ”oh okay, another day in the office.” All of these deep and intense collective energies are a part of my daily work. I didn’t know it back in 2016, but I also didn’t know that people tend to have a bit more normal experiences than pure horror when taking plant medicine.

For me the DMT still lingers in my system after the ceremony and keeps opening my third eye and inner seeing, and I start to download a lot of things. I would get the lovely highs and insights after the night was over and when most of the medicine was already out of my system. Now I know that my body is pretty slow to process and release all chemicals, and that can be for the good or for the bad.

In 2016 this was all pretty new to me. My consciousness created a potent awakening together with the consciousness of the plant, and it was a very beautiful co-creation. I was opened up to my soul blueprint, who I am as a soul in the bigger picture, what I am actually doing here, and what truly are the potentials for this lifetime, for myself and the collective here on Earth. It was beautiful and magical and everything just made more sense than anything else ever made before. It was like waking up in a best fairytale (or Avatar movie) you could ever imagine and knowing it was all real. It was so me, in a way I had never experienced myself before in this lifetime. It felt like suddenly my eyes were opened to all of the mysteries of the Universe.

I feel I also need to share a little bit about the integration of such life-shattering experiences. We awaken, and it can be very sudden and instantaneous, but integrating something so huge into lived and embodied wisdom takes a lot of time too, and shouldn’t be underestimated. The integration is as important as the awakening, because by itself the awakening is just some seeing. It is not lived and embodied, which is very different. You can know things, but knowledge is not wisdom. Anyone can tap into the truths of the universe and anyone can talk about them too. But only those who have taken the time to integrate them into their lives, truly embody them. I mean, you can easily know something and talk about something, but not walk your talk at all. We have a million spiritual gurus like that out there.

With that I want to say, that it’s normal to go up and it’s normal to go down. For many years I was going up and down as I was opening up to a more expanded levels of consciousness and then grounding that expansion through healing trauma from my system. We go back down as long as there is trauma to heal, because we need to face everything we carry within and because the soul cannot fully enter the body as long as we hold onto the old energies. It’s like we are spiraling inward and outward at the same time. This is very normal, and actually happens to us all the time, but sometimes the polarities can feel very extreme. We experience the highest of highs and lowest of lows. When we ”lose” the awakening, the feeling of unity, oneness, bliss, and perfect synchronicity, nothing has gone wrong. Our processes are meant to ebb and flow as our human system gets used to the higher frequencies. It cannot handle everything at once, and specially not when there is still energetic blockages in the physical, energetic, and emotional bodies.

It is a VERY beautiful journey if we can accept that it is not in our control and that we are merely sitting on the passenger seat enjoying the drive. The Universe is in charge of this (too). If you can surrender, if you can trust, if you can stay grounded in your own inner wisdom without trying to steer the process, all will go well and you won’t go crazy no matter how crazy it feels.

With all that said, I also want to say that nobody needs to do any kind of plant medicine for awakening. I have had some epic and much bigger awakenings than this one without any substances. Co-creating with this medicine was simply my soul contract for that part of my journey, and it was a lovely and interesting experience because I really love Mother Earth, plants, and all things from the natural world. :) Your awakenings will happen in the timing and through the experiences your soul has contracted for. There is nothing to worry about and you cannot miss out on your own awakening. But you can mess things up if you don’t attentively listen to your intuitive guidance and rather try to impose your ego’s needs to the path and how it should be unfolding.

My awakening has been happening for the last almost 15 years, and in many ways it’s been a pretty slow unfolding. (Depends on how you define slow, anyway my point is that this didn’t happen in a year or two.) While the highs can sound desirable, I’d never ever recommend anyone to try to rush their journey (and you cannot, as it is only the ego that would desire that). There is a divine plan to all of this. The right things, situations, insights, medicine, and people will be brought to our lives when the time is right, not any sooner or later.