Inspiration

I have always been a writer. The creative inspiration was fully alive within me when I was a child. I started writing books, directing movies, and publishing magazines as a play at 8 years old. There was so much to do, a never-ending flow of inspiration pulling me forward and so many stories to tell.

I wrote entire books and started countless others during my primary school years. I was constantly creating new worlds, characters and dialogues in my head. I remember the family skiing trips when we would spent the entire day on the slope and whole that time I would spend living and creating inside my head. It was magical yet so normal, because it was who I was.

I was a very sensitive child but I didn’t knew it back then. Somehow creativity and sensitivity walk hand in hand. And because of that, I didn’t feel very safe growing up. I had to repress and numb a lot of things from a very early age on. No one around me was ill-intending but I had simply been born into a lineage where no one had had enough love to heal themselves. Disconnected humans can’t hold a safe space for another human. And when you are a very sensitive child, you feel that disconnection to your bones. It is very isolating. You have humans around you, but actually they are just moving and talking bodies. They are stressed and in their heads, lacking presence and life force. There is no deep seeing from soul to soul, as these humans are connected to their own souls only through a very fragile, almost inexistent, thread. I mean that’s the world we live in, but I have always felt it very deeply.

If God gave me one lifeline to survive in this world as I was growing up, it was my creative inspiration. Even if I started loosing that lifeline in my teenage years, I never fully lost the connection to my soul. I consider that very lucky. I don’t know where I would be if I didn’t have that.

Entering secondary school I had almost stopped writing completely and I missed it but when you repress one thing in the body, you repress other things too. Around that time two new friends came into my life, and our Aquarian synergy kept me creating for a few more years. We found our own ”film production studio” and would spend school classes scripting new films and our free time in the woods shooting the quirkiest and funniest of ideas. It was a form of play when you were ”too old” for playing.

I dreamed of studying filmmaking in the university. Right before high school I did an exchange year in Argentina. I wanted to go as far from my home and home country as I ever could. As it happened, I landed in an equally dysfunctional family, just on the other side of the world. I didn’t necessarily get to escape anything but the year was very inspiring and eye-opening for my curious and adventurous soul. And that’s also when I lost my creative expression for good. I gained something and lost something both at once.

Because the fire of my creativity didn’t drive me forward anymore, I gave into my insecurities and self-doubts and went to study Spanish and Portuguese after finishing high school. During that time I had one foot in the matrix, you know when you start believing in the programming of the society instead of your own heart and dreams. I thought of becoming a book and film translator, funnily enough. It was not a wrong choice at that point, because it too happened for a reason, and only four years later I course-corrected and finally went for filmmaking. I was coming back to my soul, yet there was so much more to do... During my studies I burnt out and started going through a very intense kundalini awakening that lasted for many years.

I will share about all of that later on. Saying that it has been a crazy journey is an understatement. In the good and in the bad, it’s been insane. Right when I was reclaiming my creativity with the film studies, I lost it for many more years due to having to travel deep into my psyche and heal my biggest traumas.

It was very challenging. Now on the other side, it’s easy to say how beyond worth it it was. Like, obviously. The connection I now have to my soul is so much deeper than it ever was even back in my childhood. My heart is filled with beautiful dreams and visions. I have a solid connection to divine love which fills my life with so much magic. There is so much art yet to be born.

Now I am coming out of the cocoon I spent so many years in. Sometimes that what we are bringing to the world is so big that it takes a lot of time to ground it and channel it into form. Last year I published my very first oracle deck, The Song of Gaia Oracle, and it was such a magical heart project to create. I poured so much of my journey into it, everything that I have learnt and integrated on this journey so far.

After that, I have been hibernating, feeling into what wants to manifest next. I had absolutely no intention of starting a blog. Then I stumbled upon an old blog of mine, completely by accident. I didn’t even know it still existed somewhere. A few hours later, someone told me I should write about my oracle cards. Something was ignited within me and I received the inspiration and the vision; I would write about the theme of each 55 cards of my oracle deck weaving them into my own life story and how these energies have manifested in my life.

I am a writer, filmmaker, visual artist, photographer, and mystic. Out of all those it’s been my writer-hood that has been the most lost in the abyss and I think that’s what I am claiming back here. I am calling back the 9-year-old fantasy book writer within me, and while I might not be writing fantasy, my life has turned out pretty magical, much more than my little self could have ever been able to even imagine. The unseen realms are very alive within me, just in a different way than in my childhood.

I have started and not finished so many projects throughout the years, collapsing the timeline just in a moment, feeling that my soul yearns to do something even bigger, even truer, and I have no way of telling if these writings will feel true enough. But right now I am very excited to explore that.

See you around. 💗